Posts

Maybe If I Stand on One Leg Under a Full Moon

Image
So the universe decided to challenge my fear of silence and raised me from two to three estranged family members! Since then, I've spent an embarrassing amount of time explaining myself. Explaining the impact. Explaining why something hurt, why it still hurts, why the past isn't really the past when the same patterns keep showing up wearing different outfits. I kept thinking there must be some magical arrangement of words I hadn't tried yet. Clearer words. Calmer words. Better examples. Maybe a diagram. Maybe if I stand on one leg under a full moon while holding a laminated copy of Nonviolent Communication. Surely if I could just make myself understood, something would finally click and we could meet somewhere in the middle. I'm starting to understand that sometimes there is no better explanation. There isn't a perfect paragraph that turns a one-sided repair into a mutual one, and refusing to keep having the same conversation isn't the sa...
Post a Comment
Read more

In the Middle of the Forest

Image
 They say being in the middle of the forest means you’re too far in to turn back, but you can’t see the clearing ahead yet. That is a poetic way of saying I finally spoke some incredibly harsh truths after five years of low contact, and now I’m sitting in the quiet aftermath wondering why doing the right thing feels like getting hit by a truck. It turns out that when you finally stop absorbing the damage and point out the reality of the situation, the system doesn't exactly rally to support you. Who knew? Healing is a blast, folks. Highly recommend. It currently looks less like a peaceful meditation retreat and more like a mix of profound relief, lingering anger, and clarity of where I stand.   And if I'm being completely honest, I'm pretty scared. It's that fear when you realize you’re out on a limb by yourself. I’m terrified of the silence, I’m terrified of the blowback, and I’m terrified of what it actually means to build a life where I’m not the designated scapegoat...
Post a Comment
Read more